While it’s tempting to play it safe, the more we’re willing to risk, the more alive we are. In the end, what we regret most are the chances we never took. And I hope that explains a little this journey on which I’m about to embark.

Fraiser, series finale

There’s Something About Turning 30

A month shy of my 30th birthday, I bought a one-way ticket to Barcelona with no idea of when I was coming back. I booked the flight in January to leave in June. I had accepted an au pair position with a family in Italy, so I figured this would be a perfect time to visit Barcelona, a city I had always wanted to explore. I had never traveled alone before, but I told myself this was the year I stopped letting fear prevent me from doing things I wanted to do. And this wasn’t scary because it wasn’t real yet. It was too far away.

But on that day in June, it got real. Real fast.

Baby Steps

I was leaving out of Newark because the flights were significantly cheaper than departing out of Houston. Plus, I could stay with a friend in Brooklyn, so I could make a mini trip out of that in itself. Two of my childhood friends went with me, and we did the New York City scene. One of my friends had never been before, so my self proclaimed “NYC pro” loved showing her around, albeit with too quick of a stride as she later told me. Whoops.

We strolled through Central Park. We had breakfast at Tiffany’s. We had cocktails on the roof of The Met and then again against the backdrop of the Empire State Building. We explored DUMBO one of my favorite areas in New York.

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But then my two girlfriends left. Back to the familiarity of home. And I sat on the floor of my friend’s apartment repacking my suitcase to get on my first international flight alone. It was an evening flight, so the day was spent distracting myself with comedy specials on TV and not talking about the trip at all.

Panic Sets In

When it was time for me to leave, I couldn’t even look at my friend while saying goodbye because I was on the verge of spilling some tears. And no way. I couldn’t let myself do that. I prided myself on having become tougher over the years; from growing up as an introverted, confused teen to a somewhat outgoing emotionally tough adult. So I gave him a quick side hug and walked to the C train.
I just had to take it step by step, I told myself.

Navigate from Brooklyn to Penn Station to Newark Airport. Check.
Get through security. Check.  
Buy overpriced food because this was a long flight and it was either an overpriced dry sandwich from the airport or an overpriced Lean Cuisine from the plane. Check.
Get on the plane. Okay, wait.

For a brief moment I thought to myself, “I can’t do this.” My heart beat fast. I felt hot. My stomach hurt. I wanted to cry again. And I did a little, but I tried to keep my composure in public.

Don’t Let Fear Stop You

I thought about the commitment I made to the family. I thought about how many people I had told that I was doing this. I reasoned that the embarrassment or the feeling like a failure for chickening out would be more crippling than what I was currently feeling. I told myself, Barcelona would only be about 5 days, and then I would be in the comfort of a family that I “knew.” Step by step, remember?

On the plane, I sat next to a sweet older couple. I got to talking to the wife, and something just changed. When she asked me what my travel plans were, I told her I was going to work in Italy for some time but stopping in Barcelona just for fun. I spoke with confidence. I had a plan, and I was acting on it. Working abroad is totally normal, right? No big deal. She was surprised and excited. She said she was really happy for me, and I remembered that I was too. My time in Barcelona turned out to be one of the best times of my life.

That pivotal moment where everything changed in the series finale of Friends was when Rachel realized what she really wanted in life and got off the plane. For me, it was the exact opposite. Literally. I got ON the plane, and everything changed.

Now I know that for some people getting on a plane and traveling alone to a foreign country isn’t anything to write home about (or a blog post, ha). And it isn’t for me anymore. But at the time, it was a big step in my evolution from being timid and playing it safe to putting myself out there. And cheesy or not, I’m proud of myself for simply getting on the plane. And anyone who does something they once thought was scary should be proud of themselves too.