Note: Don’t miss Part 1 of the series here. This second installment focuses on my first days on my au pair job and advice and tips I have for any aspiring au pairs.

The time had come to begin my first ever gig as an au pair in a foreign country. The time to not only work for people I had never met before but to live with them too. I sat in a small plane flying across the Tyrrhenian Sea towards Naples, Italy. Alone. Nervous. Eager. As soon as the plane hit the tarmac, I informed my “Italian mom” about my arrival. Enrica would be waiting to pick me up. The airport was smaller than I envisioned for the largest city in Southern Italy. But in my case, being a timid deer posing as an adult, this was a good thing.

Meeting the Family

Shortly, I found my new family. Enrica walked confidently and stylishly in a jean skirt and casual blouse as she led me to the family car. Our introductions were brief yet pleasant as we hurried out of the bustling airport. Then began the hour and a half car ride to Massa Lubrense, the small beachside village I would call my summer home. Between moments of silence and taking in the towering cliffs and turquoise waters of the Sorrento coast, we got to know each other. I met the patriarch, Luciano, as well as Marta, who at 7, would become my best friend and life saver.

Upon arrival, I met Francesco (12) and Andrea (9), Marta’s older brothers. Their half smiles and gazes on the floor let me know they were just as nervous as I was. Still, the family was complete, and lunch was served. Butterflies ran amok in my stomach. How much do I talk? How many questions should I ask so that they know I am interested in getting to know them but that I am not obnoxious? I asked Enrica what she wanted me to do for the next six weeks. “You can make your own schedule, but we don’t wake up too early.” For some, this may have been music to their ears. To me, the butterflies flapped harder. But they eased when Marta showed me around some of the town and went with me to buy my toiletries for the next couple of weeks.

The First Days- Getting Acclimated

Learning this new gig was going to be a bumpy ride. Case in point. Dinner that night was at 9pm. I struggled to keep my eyes open and engage in first day pleasantries. Being a teacher, I am used to early everything- early wake-up, lunch, dinner, and bedtime. By 9pm in America, I am in bed with a book or with my iPad rewatching Friends for the 18th time. They eventually commented that I must be tired from my flight and were gracious in letting me get to bed “early.” 10pm. The next morning, I woke up at 8am. That’s sleeping in, right? As I circled the house, I noticed no lights were on. Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. My cute new mice were still asleep! I learned quickly not to come out of my room until 10am. I was now on Italian time.

The first few days were thrilling and at times nerve-wracking mostly because of me. Ever since I was a young girl, I was usually quiet in school and around people I did not know. It would take weeks and months for me to feel comfortable and begin to act like myself. But I didn’t have that kind of time here. I needed to put myself out there. The second day I walked into the house, the kids were in their room instead of their usual living room spots. I asked the father if I could go into their bedroom, and he gave me a peculiar look and commented, “Yes, of course.” I never asked again. I just walked into any part of the house like I was family too. After all, for a little while, I was.

The biggest takeaway for me was to ignore all my self conscious thoughts and just ask questions. Eventually, we got into a routine of breakfast, dishes, beach, lunch, English lessons, and dinner. But I had to ask a lot of questions to know what they wanted. It’s okay to not know things. It’s okay to look silly sometimes and just laugh it off. How else will you learn? Turns out, I still had a lot to learn. More on that in Part 3.

My advice for first time au pairs:

Discuss Living Arrangements

I was very fortunate to work for a family that provided a pretty sweet set up. The family had their own home and when you walked outside and upstairs, there was a separate apartment. There I had my own bedroom and bathroom. It was wonderful when it was break time and I could take a nap or watch American TV. But you might live in the same house as your family. You might share a bathroom. Or you might get your own guest house. Ask these things!

Confirm Work Schedule

While it’s nice to be told they are flexible with times, ask them for a rough schedule if they don’t initially provide one. You don’t know their family routines. What you think is a “normal” schedule might not be normal to them (like my dinner time!). Agree on a schedule beforehand.

Confirm Specific Duties

An au pair mostly spends quality time with the kids. But does this include cooking? Cleaning? Be specific with the cleaning tasks- dishes, laundry, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, etc. Some families have an au pair and a separate housekeeper, so you never know.

Contact Previous Au Pair

What dramatically improved my experience was talking to the au pair from the previous summer. If your family had one before, ask if it’s okay to have their name or contact info. This person knows the family well now. They know what they like and what they don’t like. They can give you insight into things the family might forget to say. I am truly grateful to Randi for being so responsive and sharing her experience and traveling tips with me.

Journal Everything!

You’ll be amazed at how quickly the time goes and how many of the small details you will unfortunately forget. This journal is my time capsule. I’m a Harry Potter nerd, so this was an obvious choice. But anyway, now a year later, I am rereading some of the things I wrote, and man. I am sure glad I did.

Continue on to Part 3 here!

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